Crit goes here! All comments are screened. Theoretically, activity would have gone here, but I didn't track it.

Feel free to use this to crit me on any of my current characters.

The recording for the voice mail is the automated message which ends in giving a choice for a page (press 5), or waiting on the line for the voice mail.

ooc note: Any and all messages will likely not be received for some time, if at all (since text messages and voice mails are deleted after a month). As he's reminded, this may change ... but very rarely.

What's the appropriate way of returning to this place?

"It's been a while."

But that's only in theory. The last time I updated to the network, according to my device, was on October twenty-sixth. It's curious how the leaps between dimensions can occur, where no time can pass in one place, but months or years pass in another. It's not the first time I've experienced this, and I have left and returned before—but of course, this is a first for me. The length of time.

I see that while I was gone, things got shook up a bit. An old friend returned. The place went to some kind of veritable Hell—and I've gotta admit, I'm glad the deities decided to hold off for a couple days if all those entries about bloody rain are true. That isn't something someone like me would enjoy coming back to.

To the people I knew ... Well, where do I begin? "What's up"? You can come back with something like "the sky" if you'd like. To the people who never met me, well, hello. It looks like it's high time I met some new people.

So, I'll introduce myself again. I'm Angel.

( filtered to angel investigations | unhackable )

( filtered to wesley | unhackable )

[ooc: ... I see my faith in notifications working again was particularly unwise. I WILL BE SLOW, but I think people understand this at this point. Thanks, LJ.]

Another weekend like that. Since they started up, it's gone through every weekend of the month now. I'm wondering if the cycle is over, or they'll end up restarting it again, and if there will be a different pattern. Usually, I don't bother to comment on the nature of the curses, but after they've changed over time, there may be a reason for it revealed. Is there something revealed in the spontaneity of making us wonder what we'll face? Will it be difficult to come against them as time goes on? Are they really keeping with the unknown if we're not facing anything that's new? Many of the curses are ones we've seen before. Changing gender, becoming younger, becoming older ... If we've seen it with our friends, is it any different if we experience it ourselves?

And then, of course, there is the fact that we apologize. Some of us have things to apologize for. We hurt each other. Others, if you're put in a relatively normal transformation, you still find yourself needing to explain your unusual transgressions. It's confusing. Are they trying to breed guilt? Confusion? Unhappiness?

Like I said, I usually don't bother. Usually, I'm looking out for people I care for, but I've found myself missing people. In a way, I hoped some losses would be temporary, as they tend to be. Is that wrong? But we all have a ground to build up for.

At least, for now, I can say I've got my family. Or most of it. In a place like this, it's the only place to start.

( angel investigations | unhackable  )

A beard. Really.

I mean, of all the things they could grant me with, I'm stuck with a beard. I'm not saying that I mind too much, but I like being able to get rid of facial hair. I spent a few months as a human not too long ago, and it meant ... shaving, and trying to make it not obvious. This, however, doesn't really allow for that. I'm not gonna complain, but I will say that my face wasn't really made for facial hair. Maybe some other guy could pull it off, but me, Angel? Not a chance.

That said: If you are a vampire here, do you have the whole "doesn't grow hair, no facial hair" policy? It's nothing like walking in sunlight or having an issue with holy objects, but you can't blame me for being curious. The occasion calls for it.

... And it's a good shift in curses. I'd rather a temporary beard than firestarting, cannibalism, and annoying, randomly interrupting bears. The first two were a problem, but the last one—well, I commend the person who captured that thing.

( angel investigations | unhackable )

People come. People go. I considered making several updates to the network on this matter, but I keep finding myself waiting. Will someone come back? Will another go? I always thought it was considerate to let others know that you checked the hall for them, but I've even grown tired of returning there. A lot of important people have left, at least on the Sunnydale side of things, and someone important has returned. In a way, it's almost like the trades the deities must do here. Usually, I have a marked feeling on all this, but I've found myself thinking about it. There have been other things on my mind, and they're somewhat related.

I should maybe consider making this a private note to the employees of X-Factor, but I don't think that's a good idea, either. There are some people who were thinking of seeking work with them, and now that Jamie's gone, there was the recommendation that I should take everyone under my wing. It's not that I wouldn't want to continue working with everyone, but I've realized my mission, my idea of how things should be, is a little different from Jamie's. I've made my mistakes, both at home and even here, but I'd rather not do that again. X-Factor was good for what it was. A job. People worked together. But we didn't do the things that I'd do with my own investigative service, and I'd rather not stick to such rigid ideas and organization again. Organization has always made me restless, in a way. And I end up taking on little side jobs. Better to make the side jobs ... my job, right?

So, you can dislike my decision or ... think less of me for it. You can even be mad because you're out of a job, but I won't be continuing X-Factor. I am considering restarting my own service here, but the way we do things, it doesn't work the same way. And I'm not sure yet. I mean, it's been a while, but X-Factor isn't mine, and the brief time I worked as the head, while sharing it with Wesley, showed me that its employees are Jamie's people, not mine. It was great working with everyone, but these things come to an end. And ... before he left, my time there was likely coming to an end. It just changed the results. It just changed the time.

I want to help the helpless, be there for people, but I have to do it my way. I've never seen being here in the City as a burden. Even being away from my son, even knowing what he'd have to return and face before he came back here, I've always thought I was here for a reason. The deities, right now, they're just dangling it before our faces. I won't step down from that. I became lax. I thought I had the means. I didn't. I'm changing that now. And with what's recently happened, it seems that someone has to. But ... I also set on this path in a specific way. I do what's comfortable.

So, I give you my apologies, and good luck to anyone who worked there and to anyone who considered working there. If you want to group together and do things without me, that's fine. I'm just afraid I can't be involved.

( off-network | handwritten )

on-network | public

That was a rough weekend, to say the least.

I've been thinking a lot about it, and I have a few things in mind, but I'm going to mull over them a little longer.

The thing I do want to mention is: I'm sorry I couldn't help more. I took too long, and got out in what I guess most people would call the eleventh hour. I had to wait because of ... certain conditions, but I should've been a better help. The results ... of the imprisonment, are terrible. Though some of us are guilty of our crimes, others ... well, it's never been beyond the deities to play and bend their concepts of reality, has it?

I apologize for my thoughts not being as clear and collected as usual. Like I said, I'm still piecing together thoughts, ideas, and maybe I'll do something about them.

The one thing, though, about being caught in that prison? We were never really alone, were we? Despite the torture, the pain, and what's come after that, they let us do it together. There was never that ticking of the clock. I'm not saying that it was a good thing, but it was deceptive for a while there. Now that it's come back, I've realized that there's always an entity. There's us. And there's them. And there's how we respond to things.

I think our response from here on out is what's really going to matter.

( filtered to angel investigations | unhackable )

( filtered to ruby | unhackable )

The other day ... that curse, it was meant for us to admit something, something good, wasn't it? It figures that I wouldn't be hit, but I think there might be a reason. Some people were surprising in what they were able to bring out. And if they were surprising, I guess it would make sense that I am, as well. It just didn't take. In a way, I wish it had—it would be a different kind of awakening. You wake up the next day, and you find yourself looking at that. It means that there's something.

It also makes it easier. And it might make it easier to feel pressured, forced to see the good things, instead of the bad. It might mean that you don't entirely agree.

And ... well, I think that's not the way I'd want this to be.

So ... hey, I'll try it. No curse. After some things that happened last month, I need to do this. Without Cordelia's coaxing.

Almost everyone I miss is here. Or have missed or wanted to see or ... even, here, I've had a chance to apologize a few times. I have Buffy, who set me on a path I needed, and Cordelia, who's seen me stray from it but has never given up. I have Wesley, and I guess the two of us ... we've been through hard times. And we have Fred, who's always been a light. There's Willow, who's never failed to help us, and everyone else from Sunnydale—yeah, even Xander. Though I guess he wouldn't want this ... shout out. Shout out. That is what this is, right? And coming from me.

It's not everyone. But back home, I've made some mistakes. I've not had the chance to ... really embrace all that I've had, and in many ways, I've lost everyone I've listed. Either they've moved on or ... they've really moved on. This place, for all its failings, gives us a chance to be together. That's what's important to me.

Of course, there's everyone here, too. At least, the good people. X-Factor. Ruby. Shahrazad. ... And some I've only talked to once or twice. And some I've listed, they wouldn't want to be there, but this is a good thing.

Somehow ... I think this would be less cheesy if I did this while cursed. But there would probably be lots of exclamation points, huh?

( filtered to angel investigations | unhackable )

[ooc: filter is to Angel crew. o/]

( private // voice // unhackable )

Jenny Calendar has left the City. She left several days ago, and has been confirmed absent since then.

I'm sorry.

[ooc: since I will inevitably forget: this will be open to Cordelia in two days' time. also, if anyone responds to the little blurb at the end, I'll be back to reply in a couple hours. naptime.]

If I look back at my past entry, the one that occurred before this weekend, I can only think of one question: does the calm always come before the storm? At home, there's a warm breeze that hits me whenever I let myself think this, and here, there's a smiling face that's trying to remind me that I shouldn't look at it that way, but I do it anyway. I can sometimes accidentally say something so optimistic that it surprises me, but I've gotta admit. I'm bad at keeping up with that tune.

I haven't been entirely honest with the people I've spoken to here. It's easy to say, hey, I'm different, I'm a good vampire, without laying out who I am. Sometimes it's easy to believe, to say that to people. I get caught up in it, but that's not it. This isn't a reveal that that was my true nature this weekend, but it was, once, and there are little parts of that waiting, ready to slip in.

To give the story in less vague detail: I am a vampire. I have a soul. These two things are commonly contradictory back in my world. The only exception to that recently left; that's right, Spike changes and gets a soul, too. Only the difference is this: Spike fights for his soul. I'm cursed with it because of everything I've done in my past life. And now, with that soul, I'm not allowed happiness, a true moment of it, without losing myself.

I'm telling you this because it might happen again. I might become who I was, that part that's always there inside of me. I'm stronger than it now, but there's no reason for you to take my word on that.

All I can give is my apologies. To Jenny, to Giles, to Buffy, to Wesley, to Cordelia, to Shahrazad, to Illyria, and to Ruby. To anyone else who saw what I said this weekend or may have felt afraid. I'm sorry.

I'll answer any other questions, but I think this covers it.

[the sound begins with feet hitting the ground, an indication that he's moving, and he stops as he steps through a door, the door slamming shut, and his body pressing hard against it (that sound making a thump). it's almost like amidst all this, he should be breathing heavily, but given his nature, he doesn't. there's that typical interjection of thumb brushing over microphone as he pulls the device close.]

It's on.

[a pause, because that little bit of voice isn't enough to discern whether it's the lighter tones of Angelus or the deeper, less melodic tones of Angel.]

It's back. It's ... back, and I remember everything, and I'm so sorry.

[it sounds like Angel, deeper, less crisp and easy, and then the device clicks off.]

(( ooc: Angelus day two. ))

It's about time.


[there's a sharp, interjection of laughter, that cuts off and then starts up again]


Just in case you're too stupid to get the meaning of that: Angel has left the building. Nice to be back, though. Atmosphere is just the same. Of course, I never got to play here, but it's nice to be back again.

And Wes? Probably wouldn't start looking for me at the mansion if I were you. Of course, if I've got it right, you're a little busy.

Oh, spoiler: that isn't Fred. Even after everything, you still couldn't get the hint. I hope you didn't crawl into bed with her or anything. That'd be horrible. But we all know you're a little desperate. You've always been, haven't you?

(( ooc: Angelus, as per a The Years That Never Were curse. He went back home and somehow achieved true happiness, and well ... you'll see. He remembers the City, though. ))

It's funny how things work here. How people go, how people say, the little things we decide to do with ourselves to make sure life is going how it's supposed to go. I bet we all had a purpose before we came here. Some of us were doctors, some of us lawyers, some of us celebrities after we saved Los Angeles from Hell it ended up there—okay, so the last one was a little different, but you know what I mean. Buffy asked me the other day if I worked a job to keep from being restless, but I said it was part of me. It is. I mean, helping people. Giving a hand. Doing what I can. Once, I wouldn't have thought that, but it's really me.

Someone showed me that. A great man.

But then you come here. Things change. You see questions all over the network. Should I do this? What's home like? What do you miss most? I think the answer is what we're doing here, or what we're trying to do here, or living up to. I guess some of us have the opportunity to have things we wouldn't have back home. A chance at family, a chance at a job that has semi-regular hours. But a lot of people wonder if it matters. Why should we? We'll all go home eventually without any memories of this place.

We do it anyway. We still try to get to know one another, and sometimes we push or try too hard, but we do it anyway. Because this is our lives. Some might say it's for a semblance of control, but some of us ... me, for instance ... really want to. Some of us have people here and we're glad to be here with them. Whatever the case is, we do it, all in our own ways. We might feel restless and might know we can turn up in our homes tomorrow with no memories, but it doesn't matter. It's better to keep at it.

We won't lose sight of who we are. What we do here ... it's just keeping that up and living, and maybe enjoying it once in a while.

I guess you could say this is the result of what happens when you have a day off.

(( ooc: slow because of phone ))

It hasn't been very long since my last update here, but I make a habit of saying something if someone's left or someone new has arrived. That's not changing now. I don't like breaking from routines, and I guess this way, someone's dependable about it. You'll notice one of these have been mentioned, but I'm sorry to say that I didn't really like Illyria's tone.

Anyway, so you know: both Dawn and Faith have left again. I checked around to make sure the pictures weren't incorrect, but they never seem to be, do they?

Although I admittedly don't know what Dawn is going back to, I'm a little worried about Faith. About where she's going, but anyone who knows her probably feels the same way. I'll let everyone know if she turns up again, if it's like last time. Or like the time I left.

Not too long after they left, someone else showed up: Cordelia Chase. She's also from my world. The Los Angeles version of it, not the Sunnydale version of it, so she might seem different. As you've noticed. To anyone here I've met in the City, she'll probably want to get to know you. Since being me, it'll probably be surprising I've made so many acquaintances—or maybe not, I don't know. Either way, she's a very close friend. No ... my best friend.

And being Cordelia, she probably didn't need the introduction, but here it is. I couldn't help myself.

I think that's it.

Oh, and yes: the tigers are fine. And no, I still don't know where they got them.

I figured I should get this out of the way while there are people coming in and out of the mansion. It might be a little confusing, and we might end up having visitors who don't like the conventional parts of the house. You know, the front door. And just in case someone comes plowing through a window or decides that they need to sneak into the place, I might as well make it clear.

We have tigers for a while. Sharhazard needed some help, so if you end up coming in through the wrong window, then you'll end up seeing them, most likely. I'm trying to keep them to one side of the mansion, but a lot of people have been surprised. Yeah, sure, there are tigers, and some other people have been visiting, but it isn't bad.

I guess for a certain definition of it.

Aside from that, I'm thinking of offering rooms to people who are newly arrived and don't know anyone. I don't know that I could catch everyone on the network, but it might not be a bad idea. At least, once the tigers are gone, and some other things are sorted out. It'd be better than getting a place alone and dealing with the ticking for a while. I'm not sure I'll go ahead with it, but it might be better than dealing with the unpredictability of City curses alone.

Right, well. I've given my notices, my update from the Angel camp.

( filter: Buffy and Wesley // unhackable )

There are times, and I'm sure we all have them, when we're glad that we forget all the necessary things to living in the City here. Me, for example, I was glad to be able to work from when I woke up well through the evening. By time I finally thought, hey, let's check the network, there were a lot of posts about regret and I was able to figure out what happened. Yesterday seems like it was a little hectic, and you've gotta wonder why the network devices would still work. You know, accidentally capturing things, pushing us to talk about things over this. As much as I never use my cellphone because I forget it ... exists, I'd have preferred finding out things over that.

It's less humiliating that way. And I think we can all agree that—from what I understand, only—yesterday was humiliating. Unless you're okay and open with things like that, which I guess is up to you.

So, today's a new day. With new and different opportunities ahead of us.

... Right. I'd ask a question here, but I think we're covered. Good? Good.

[ Filtered away from Spike; ]

One more thing, actually. If things don't work out as planned and you see an annoying blond English guy walking around, don't be friendly. He's trouble. We're working on making it so that he isn't trouble, but until we have that worked out, things have to be this way.

And I think he covered it well enough, but since people seem caught up in it—yes, he looks like Billy Idol, and yes, he claims the look was stolen. Things like that aren't too surprising. And looking like Billy Idol doesn't really make him all that tolerable. Don't think he's disarming and don't fall for it. I saw a few people who didn't, so that's good.

If he tries anything, if things don't work out, don't be afraid to let me know. I know the police force is good at handling things, but as Spike is from my world, I feel responsible for him.

These last few days have been eventful, to say the least. The mansion's back to being quiet again, aside from when Illyria is walking around, and a lot of things seem to be falling back into the natural order. I'm not in charge of an investigative service, people are still around, and crazy problems have been dealt with. Of course, it's interesting to say this with the circus having decided to roll into town, which kind of makes all the "things going back to normal" a little less normal.

And really? A circus? But at least some people seem to be enjoying it. ... Or maybe that's the curse, I'm not sure.

Some other things that were pretty familiar? Seeing Wesley as a ghost again. Of course, you don't actually know how all that went, but it was a little like being back home. You, me, an office. Illyria wasn't really there for a lot of that, but not every part of it's the same. Of course, now it's you, me, and no office, and no ghost, but ... that's the City.

Anyway, now that it's dark out, I'm wondering if I should go see the havoc going on outside. But then again, maybe not. I'm not really a watching for the laughs and making fun of my fellow neighbors type of guy.

( filter: Wesley )

You never know when you're going to leave or when you're going to come back. Usually, I thought time passed for people when they left, and while some did, it usually adds up to more. That's what I've observed, anyway, and the time that passed for me is about the same. Just a few days, enough to take me away when I'm not sure I wanted to go. It's an interesting thought. Not many people like this place, but when you have people here and things to do, do you want to leave?

That's not something I really need answered.

Anyway, I see you're here, Illyria. And that Connor's gone. I won't take it so hard this time. In this case, it's probably better for him to be there than here, but ...

Well, a lot of you were friends with Connor, weren't you? I promise he's okay there. Los Angeles is good. Better than it's been in a long time, even. I probably didn't make it seem like that last time, but there were complications. That's better now.

All right, this is overall a little disjointed. I'll be showing up at X-Factor to work—even partner with Wesley, as I believe we previously agreed. If any of you want to speak to me personally about things ... about what I believe in, how I work, go right ahead and ask. You have good reason to do that.

( Filter: Wesley // Unhackable )

( Filter: Faith // Unhackable )

( Filter: Buffy // Unhackable  )

All right, I guess I should give an update. I'm sure a lot of people have picked up on the pattern. Every weekend at the beginning of the month, we have sporadic curses. I was lucky in that I wasn't cursed, but enough people around me were. Buffy, Willow—are you looking better today? Feeling better? I hope so. I saw a few other odd circumstances in people I know, but the spirits overall seem a little less daunted. Not like last month. Maybe it's a nice change of pace considering what we've all dealt with recently. Then again, we'll see how things are at the beginning of June. Maybe by then, they'll have cooked up a tsunami to make these weekends seem easy.

As for anything else ...

My son's back. Work's going well. I think I'm whining less, but that might be up for debate when my competition in the discussion gets here. If she even bothers.

But really. This is me, Angel, looking on the bright side of things. It may last, it may not. Anyone willing to burst any bubble I've got going is welcome. I'd prefer to know.